A couple weeks ago on a dark but not stormy evening long about 11pm the doorbell rang. I leapt to my feet to see what was the commotion. Well not really leapt, more like stood up. Now be aware that the doorbell ringing at 11pm is not a normal thing. In fact this is only the second time that the doorbell has been wrung by someone we didn’t ask to come and ring our doorbell since we moved here. The first time being a couple old ladies that wanted to know if I had found God, which happened within the first month of moving in. I told them I didn’t know he was missing and if he was God he could probably find himself. (no I didn’t but should have). Anyway I moved down the stairs turning on lights as I went. From the upstairs window I could see a car with it’s lights on and a spotlight sitting at the curve in the drive way. Once I got to the door I could see a couple coppers standing there. When I opened the door they asked if I knew who owned the 2 cows that were grazing in the front yard. I found that a strange question since we don’t have any cows and I immediately thought that these 2 coppers were going to plant 2 cows and arrest me for unlawful cowing. But then as I looked closer I could just barely make out 2 black cows grazing like they owned the place. (It was a dark but not stormy night). I told them they were not mine and I speculated they belonged to someone that had cows. (that is why I am an ace detective. The secret to solving a case is to see the obvious) They said they would check the ear tags and do something about it. About 15 minutes later as I went to bed they were gone. I don’t think they hoofcuffed the cows and loaded them in their car so the next morning when I got up I didn’t see any cows so I assumed someone came and got them. Case Closed.
2 Days later Case reopened. When I got up 2 days later and I looked out the bathroom window to check if it was daytime and to make sure no one was looking at me what did I see? Well if you have read this far you probably guessed cows, which would be a correct guess. The were taking a break, resting next to the woods along the creek.
I immediately got on the phone and called the non emergency copper number and told them the cows were loose and I had solved the case as I knew where they were. The said they would send someone although, spoiler here, it was a Trump promise and I never saw anyone. Meanwhile the cows had started their workday. They got busy grazing the side yard and the back yard.
They continued grazing and eventually moved from our yard to the neighbors through the gap in the fence way back at the far edge. I had to leave and do things and when I got back no cows were seen. Later as I went to get the mail I saw them resting under a tree across the road at the next house toward town. After that I didn’t see them again. Case Closed
A week and a half later, last night, around 10 pm shortly after Purdue beat Maryland and I was trying to get some files from Whirlpool for China the doorbell rang. Once again it was a dark but not stormy night and this time I did not see a car in the driveway. So I moved down the steps turning on lights and when I got to the front door there was a copper. Case Reopened. He wanted to inform me that he was parked on the side of the house and he had someone with him to try to collect the 2 cows that were in my back yard. This undercover photo shows the car.
The guy he had with him had the boots on that indicated that he knew his way around cow muck so I let them have at it. When I got done with what I was doing they were gone. I guessing the guy walked the cows back to confinement. As an after thought I realized that I failed to offer the copper my investigative experience by suggesting that it is obvious that these ‘on the lam’ cows were getting some kind of inside help and that he should interrogate the chickens or pigs or maybe even the farmers wife. I’ve see a few TV shows and that is what they always do. So Case Closed. For now.